weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
