She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
