I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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