the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
