Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
