The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize