Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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