i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
