You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
