can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
