she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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