Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize