I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
