What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
