yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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