I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
