i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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