I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
