piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
