I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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