my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize