Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
