Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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