just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
