well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
