Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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