I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
