Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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