I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize