they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
