it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize