dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
