Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
