We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
