So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
