Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
