she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
