I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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