i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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