maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
