I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
