help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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