ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize