i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this boner is exhausting
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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