Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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