when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
