on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
