Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
