I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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