Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
