Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
