We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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