you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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