Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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