just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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