that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
