Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
