i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
