i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
