Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
