don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
