i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
