About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
