Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
