Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize