first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
