I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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