My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
