i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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