Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
