I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
