In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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