She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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