Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
