I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Fuck appropriateness.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
