Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
